Jump ship this time
Make amends this time.
Smelly dock stations that power the land:
Find a way through this prison
And get you something fun, no?
The little hiders are praying and searching for this ridiculous shape-shifting madness
These people are playing games.
We are all pretty fed up with the endings…
The truth is, I find no solidity here.
The darkness is scowling with an inferior counter,
Arms wide open,
“Come on and try some luck!”
The prowl begins.
The end is nigh,
This sultry relationship has seen its faults
And we have answered its lies.
Books kept in secret,
Digital records to recompense
Past sins that never seem to die
Find the rock
Build your path,
Nature and order
We have destroyed sensibility.
There is no longer time
Redeem the chaos and recall our shelter
Home lies beneath.
If there were no ways to describe
And if I had no premonition
Or repetition, or indignation
I’d follow with a swift heart
One that you’d only find on battlefield
With shame and colour
I make my stand.
You may not recall
But if I could relive any single moment
I wouldn’t change a thing.
The pretense and madness
The road less taken, the times we spent
I’d only give you everything
I’d only pressed with all my might,
The end is near some say.
Well, let’s shake the heavens.
I see you again,
This painted world is so awake now
I remember days without broken sands
Days of youth,
Constants, and reveries… We were one.
The shade has fallen now,
As leaves begin to remind me of the soul
That began this all,
The healing element I pray to all the time
Inside and beyond the conditions
Remember to smile
And describe those essentials.
So we can freely stand tall.
This is a culmination of the SmartDJ shuffle on my Windows Phone, and a little bit of Pandora, and a few extra songs I chose to listen to today as well. This is my playlist/music of choice for the week. Enjoy!
Foo Fighters – All My Life
Modest Mouse – Bury Me With It
Deftones – Teenager
Third Eye Blind – Semi-Charmed Life
Audioslave – Like A Stone
Red Hot Chili Peppers – By The Way
Muse – Starlight
Incubus – Make Yourself
Puddle Of Mudd – Blurry
Iron & Wine – Boy With A Coin
Linkin Park – Figure.09
Staind – Right Here
Chevelle – Vitamin R
Pinback – How We Breathe
The Delta Spirit – California
Limp Bizkit – Re-Arranged
Foo Fighters – Long Road To Ruin
Nine Inch Nails – Hurt (Live)
Pearl Jam – Jeremy
311 – Amber
Foo Fighters – Times Like These
Soundgarden – Fell On Black Days
Incubus – Anna Molly
Radiohead – Creep
Smashing Pumpkins – Eye
Filter – The Only Way (Is The Wrong Way)
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Can’t Stop
Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit
Nine Inch Nails – Where Is Everybody? (Version)
Silversun Pickups – Three Seed
Bush – Glycerine
Pinback – X I Y
I wanted to write a post with a few different topics; just jot down some thoughts I’ve been having. Hope it helps or entertains anyone who reads this.
1. I Am Grateful For…
Last weekend, a couple of friends and I went 4-wheeling and camping up past Huntsville, towards Monte Cristo. In these couple of days I felt something I haven’t felt since I was a kid – solitude, and the power of a retreat. Life is blistering its dark ways on me right now, and as such, I was mentally and physically burning out. In some ways, I still am. But when you take a step back from the day-to-day grind, you realize and feel the true purpose and the real meaning behind life – live, love, and peace. Why is it that so many days go by and we wonder why things are rough, why is life hard to me, where are the answers? How do I get ahead? While these things are important, I think we take for granted all the blessings we do have. Service to others has enlightened me lately, and the more I work on that, the more content I am. Someone, somewhere will always have it worse off than I do.
2. There Is No Spoon
Next I would like to touch on the power of film. I believe it was Wednesday or Thursday of last week, I watched the movie Alexander. It’s a pretty powerful movie with lots of drama and some intense fight sequences. As the story of Alexander The Great unfolded before me, I realized something – this man fought and conquered countries, and did so in his early twenties. Here’s a man who was determined, set apart at birth to do great things. As such, his success was and is widely known. In the end, however, his selfishness and love and lust for power became his downfall. Now, I think to myself, why aren’t I accomplishing my hopes and dreams? I have goals, and all I want is success. Well, I know I will be getting there someday… But when? When is how. And now is when.
I was inspired by this movie, then a day or two later again by another film – my favorite movie trilogy ever – The Matrix. Specifically, Reloaded. The whole film, the main characters are bombarded by enemies and shit that just keeps going wrong, but they hold strong and keep fighting for whats’ right. In the end, Neo takes all of the power he has to save the girl he loves – but he does so only after he accomplishes his mission first. This rings to me in real life – how far would I go to save someone I loved? What would you do to protect something you believed in?
Third and finally, I got sick with head cold yesterday and was scanning tv, something I haven’t done in ages. A documentary came on about Dave Grohl and his band, the Foo Fighters. Dave went through
some major pain after Kurt died (they both played in Nirvana together for those who don’t know) and he explains in th
e doc how he didn’t know what to do or where to go next. I have felt that way before, too. Well he essentially started doing what he loved and was familiar with – writing music. And – I won’t give much else away – he was hated for it by some, and loved by others.Overall, Foo Fighters had a change in line-up so many times because they could never find the best groove for the previous musicians and the new ones. This doc shows their long hard road, and how they found success amidst all the obstacles.Its one of the most inspiring films I’ve ever seen, I highly recommend it. What I took from it, overall, is never stop chasing your dreams. I am the best example of being the worst at this, but deep in my head I know I have the fight, drive, determination to do what it takes to get where I want to be someday. But as I said earlier, that starts with now.
3. Music Is Life
I have a pretty clear understanding of many genres of music, and i have (recently) fallen in a pretty heavy love with lots of new types of music. What I want to just simply point out and then be done with, is that there’s no reason to ever turn down an opportunity to listen to something new. At least not for me! I definitely don’t like certain music out there, but overall I just love finding something new and groovy. Lately I’ve been finding a taste for indie and urban artists and bands. The title of this post comes from a Modest Mouse song that really inspires me in a way. I love finding new jams, I love it. Highly recommend finding something new.
4. Family and the Universe
I just wanted to finish this post by saying that through all the heartache I’ve seen in life, through all my trials with love and trying to find happiness, my family has shown me how to live. There are few words that describe your own grandpa bringing you breakfast and saying “have a good day chaser”, and there are no words for a sister who tells me she saw my ex and had to leave the restaurant because she didn’t want to tell my ex what she thought of her. My family has always been there for me, supported me even when sometimes they didn’t agree with me. And yet, that love has shown me to pay it forward in my dealings. With other family, with friends, and with acquaintances.
Last and least, I have been watching How The Universe Works with a friend of mine on Netflix, and let me say one thing. We are smart, the human race has and will continue to accomplish massive, incredible things. As big of achievements as we have, there are still only finite amounts of knowledge we have about the beast that is Outer Space. Science Fiction has and will always be my most favorite genre of movies and games – and the truth is, as much as we know about the Universe, we don’t know anything. This makes me think of time. Space time makes sense and Einstein’s theory of it is the best way we can explain it. But I believe that God must understand time completely different from what we do, otherwise how could the vastness of space ever make sense or be created or destroyed? Or transformed, or better yet – plotted out? I love space and the idea of how huge everything is. It’s absolutely incredible to see how stars and planets are formed, how things work out there. But more than anything – we can continue to learn more and more about the solar system, but we will only ever be scratching the surface.
That’s all from me for today. Just some food for thought.
And if you haven’t already, do something helpful, serviceable, or kind for someone this week. Whether it be a card for a family member, helping a friend with house work, or even just smile at a stranger. You won’t find disappointment.
Last night, I had an extreme dream. It was just as real as any dream I’ve ever experienced previously, but this one somehow felt real albeit the ridiculous characters and monsters that flowed in and out of my head.
My dream began as a camping trip out to Lake Powell. For anyone who has never been there, it is an extremely large ‘desert lake’ type of formation. Think of the grand canyon, except with water that fills the base of this giant crack in the earth, all the way up to half the height of the canyon walls, some places lower, most places higher. Well, these hot, red desert rocks extend on both canyon walls of the lake, framing in the lake itself, and occasionally rocks from the center of the lake (where erosion has occurred) will stand up out of the water, like small islands if you can imagine.
In my dream, a group of friends, who by the way have no correlation or physical resemblance to any friends I have in real life, had decided to do a Lake Powell trip with me. There was no planning or expenses for the trip in my dream. We just began hiking on some rocks after going for a swim.
Well out of nowhere, two of my friends who both were men, nerds, and extreme tech gadget type guys, were traversing with headsets and boxy handheld computers, when all of a sudden one or two little flashes and noises were made. Looking down, they seemed a bit worried, strange for a couple of nerds who feared nothing except maybe aliens attacking. I looked into the dark green water, which always seemed eerie to me as a kid but never really ‘scared’ me for any reason, and noticed a giant black blur swim in one solid line away from us. Looking down from the rock I stood upon, I yelled “there!” and everyone looked to the water.
Some friends were hiking rocks further away and cried “what is it?” or “where?” and tried making their way over, others nearby asked me what I saw. I simply replied with “a monster, like a giant eel,” being that was the only thing I could relate to what I saw.
Now, the next several minutes (which in my dream felt like two or three hours) really is hard to explain with words. Most of it was feelings, and of those came terror, anxiety, stress, fear for my life… it was not easy going through this. Even in a dream.
The black creatures eventually manifested themselves ABOVE WATER, jumping to and fro, and at one point even onto the rocks. They had giant black diamond shaped eyes, very beady and cold looking. There was a few feather looking fins that protruded out from the heads of these creatures, and the heads themselves by the way, were larger than my entire torso and head together. They were thick and round, big enough to fit their mouth around me. Their mouth, which, held thousands of razor thin, razor sharp bone colored teeth, very strange for a big ‘snake’ like creature. They crawled like snakes and swam like eels.
This is where it got intense for us. For a dream so ridiculous, it still felt real. I remember one of our friends died first, I think one of the nerds. A black snake jumped up out of the water, and like a dinosaur from a Jurassic Park film, stuck his jaw around my friend and chomped down on him, lifted him, then directly swam back to the water, leaving sight.
This, scaring all of us, made everyone jump up if sitting, or fall down if standing. Once on two feet, all of us put all our speed into running away. The next half hour to an hour was just this. Being chased around by these giant black water snakes. That apparently ate humans.
This went on for such a long time and caused so much stress, I remember it affecting both my emotions as well as my thought process, making me question childhood, work, life, love, the things I did and said to others… would this be my last moment? Is this how it all ends? Is there answers to questions I’ve had before I die? I think a lot of the fear and ‘end of life’ nervousness really stemmed from the idea that I was going to die, rather than how or why I was going to die. This all confused and contorted my thoughts, as said, and made me very unstable.
Upon waking up, I realized that these emotions I felt weren’t caused from the black snakes. But rather from fear itself. I had that feeling like “oh what a stupid dream” and though I was brushing it off so to speak, it still rumbled in my head. Why do big changes in life, why do big events, good or horrible, have such effect on us? Some deal better with change than others. Some make choices better, or independently survive easier than others can do. This is an important part of our lives, and I think too many people completely overlook / or take for granted those duties and responsibilities we should be building for ourselves.
That’s all for now.